Being an artist has helped me see that I can create myself as I choose.

The art I make, makes me too: notes on how the creative process helps me see myself more clearly.

Dec 06, 2023

My birthday fire from this year’s celebration.

If I am not the one creating myself, who or what is?

As an artist, I know that I am the one who has to show up to make the art I want to make. I can’t just leave a canvas on the table, walk away, and expect it to be painted when I get back. How unsatisfying that would be! Where’s the adventure, the unexpected problems to solve, the skill and knowledge to be gained?

Many times the reason I’ve avoided starting a new painting was because instead of being in the moment and having the adventure, I was expecting myself to get to the end already, to make the thing I thought I wanted to make. This is never how it works, not for me as an artist anyway.

One can start with an idea, a color palette, a sketch or mockup of some kind, but no work of art is ever going to be exactly like another. Not if it’s an original. This is why the human spirit is necessary and integral to creativity in life and art. Spirit is crucial to the process of creating.

The art we make, makes us too.

If we have permission to create from ourselves, we become more inclined to ask questions and wonder, to experiment. We also become less acquiescent, compliant, obedient, and easy to control. Artists are not necessarily a comfortable fit in conventional society, or in any group that demands conformity.

This is the beauty of making art, the absolute freedom possible when one has permission to think and live creatively. Art changes the culture, it has that power.

You do not have to make works of art, but I know that if you allow yourself the gorgeous discomfort of experiencing creativity in your life, on any level, it will help you grow. As fun as making art is, it’s also damned uncomfortable at times, especially when the art you’re making, is yourself.

Those times when it’s not working, or you can’t see it, or there’s a seemingly insurmountable problem with your project, can often be just before a breakthrough. You can never predict this, but if you show up enough and keep at it, the breakthroughs will happen more and more. In art, and in life too.

Back to the beginning of the cycle

I just celebrated a birthday, and as usual at this time, I feel philosophical about life, transformation, and new growth. I find my perspective about life and the fact that I am here living in it. What’s more, I know my life is mine, more than it has ever been in this lifetime.

What I mean by this is that I’m more aware than ever before that I am the one who consciously gets to decide who and how I am being in my own life. After decades of self discovery, which included diving into myself and sifting through the pictures and beliefs and unconscious fears about who I am and what I could expect to achieve and have, I am more comfortable with being me.

This has the added bonus of making those who cannot have me being me, really uncomfortable. Everyone else now has to adjust to the me that I have become. This is exactly right. I am updating how I see and create myself, and that is my business.

Being an artist my whole life has helped me find my way back to myself over and over. Even when I took long breaks from making art, or stepped away from a regular art making practice, I knew I could go back to it any time I wanted. I have had permission to be an artist, and this permission changed how I saw myself and how I could see and create me. I am grateful.

These days, besides working on a number of small projects in my studio, I make objects, hand painted things I’ve been gifting and selling.

I’ve made handmade book marks, greeting cards, and tiny little paintings, just because they please me. Working in a small scale has been pleasing and joyful, easy simple projects I can do quickly, to get myself in the habit of not getting too caught up in needing something to be so perfect, or finished. I’ve been consciously working on freeing myself of the habit of needing to control all the outcomes. To become safer taking risks, and this includes in my art making space.

Here’s this week’s studio visit, featuring the hand painted cards I made to send to friends and family.

A few studio shots of the hand painted cards: